The ending doesn't make sense? Spoilers Farseer & Tawny Man

[Farseer]

There have been 'plenty' over the years who've found it difficult to believe that Fitz should still pine for Molly...that he should want to make a life with her in his thirties, just as he once longed to do in his teens. We've had more than a few subsequent discussions here and elsewhere on the subject. I won't rehash but I did have a related "Aha!" moment today and just wanted to briefly share...

While going through a mass of paper from my schoolroom from about nine or ten years ago, I came across a copy of some old emails that I didn't know I still had. There is much, much more involved in the situation but suffice it to say that those emails signaled the abrupt and very messy end of a relationship with one of my older brothers.

I haven't ever forgotten that severing or the events leading up to, and following, it. I *do* try to ignore it all and work hard to put it aside when it creeps up, and usually succeed. In seeing those emails though, it all came crashing, CRASHING back, with all those feelings swamping me anew. All this and I didn't even need to reread those emails...just the realisation that it *was* them, was enough. It was like being transported back in time, with my feelings proving to be just as fresh and raw as they were way back then. I had not and have not 'dealt' with it.

In a similar-ish fashion, Fool returned so many feelings to Fitz from G-o-a-D and all would have been as fresh to him in that moment as they had been back in his teens. He had never changed (especially so as he was and remains the Catalyst) and, even more, he was feeling his emotions just as he had when he'd placed them within G-o-a-D. This makes sense to me.

We go on a wonderful family holiday when we are children. We come home. We remember the great times we had but, over time, the memory of the doing lingers while the 'totality' of the time is lost...at least until we watch the home movies as adults, pull out the photos or sit down and talk, and it is only then that it is returned to us somewhat. We experience this kind of thing often, even when we don't consciously try to avoid thinking about such things.

Fitz, though, is an expert in suppressing things he doesn't want to think of or things he doesn't want to 'see'. His being a Farseer and skilled in the Skill and the Wit etc, only highlights this ability. I think Chade once said, and I may have quoted it before, something about Fitz being very unobservant at times considering he was so usually so highly observant (from memory, Chade had said this after he revealed that he too was 'a bastard' - a revelation that shocked Fitz, and this same shock surprised Chade as Chade had believed that Fitz had worked it out ).

Having his feelings back from G-o-a-D, Fitz had no choice but to rewatch or re-experience them all anew. They CRASHED back in, fresh, so fresh and human that Fool could hardly withstand it all.

I will go back to trying to suppress my feelings...will throw those emails in the bin and get on with life but Fitz, well, he chose to finally get things out in the open. There were other factors but, even alone, his promise to Burrich to look after his family did not allow him to turn aside from it all. His developing relationship with Nettle and the sudden return of Molly to his life also did not allow him to hide.

In many ways, the same would be for me if I should find myself in a situation that would not allow me to hide any longer. I would have to face things. Maybe, like Fitz, I will one day have to have it all out in the open. On that day of reckoning, I would easily be able to take off exaclty from where the last confrontation had left....just as Fitz was able to take off from the point where he had last fully felt those feelings. Thirty something he may have been physically but, when reunited with himself, his feelings for Molly were still those of the passionately 'teenage' Fitz...though, of course, he was able to handle things 'like a man', given his years.

Anyway...just thoughts...possibly better suited along the lines of "You know you're hooked when you pick up pieces of paper and begin a ligthbulb moment dedicated to Fitz"...

EDIT: Ahem! What was that about briefly...?!