Taking stock of my life

[Farseer]

From past discussions, I have the impression that I am the youngest member of this forum.

And I the oldest !

I've been thinking about stuff recently. Where I am with my life, where I'm going.

Nothing wrong with a little reflective thinking or forward planning!

For the record: I am 22 years old and I have been attending university for the past four years. I now have a bachelors degree in both philosophy and religious studies. In that, at least, I have been productive.

I think you're amazing and have been more than a little productive, I'd say! What a HUGE commitment to not only throw yourself into study but to also finish something you started four years ago - BRAVO!

One often hears people say that their college years were the best time of their life. Maybe so, but when I think back, I would have to say that high school was my Golden Age.

I can relate to that somewhat, and I graduated twenty years ago . Still, I am happy with my lot. There have been lots of highlights and I wouldn't want to go back. I'm not sure about anyone else but there's a lot of satisfaction to be derived from making it through, especially with the basics still intact eg honour, integrity,empathy etc.

Make no mistake: I hated school.

I was the opposite. While there were things that I didn't enjoy at times, I loved school because it took me away from certain things I hated more and needed to leave at home.

I hated homework and I couldn't care less about most of the subjects. Thing is, I had some close friends there. I can point to six people who were close friends of mine that I saw every day. I was also a member of the chruch's youth club; two of my schoolfriends also attended the same church and club. (I actually spent more time with them at church than at school, because they were in a different class.) I had a great time there.

I was the opposite here, too. Living out on a property, I rarely had opportunity to socialise outside of school in my pre-teen to later years, despite being outwardly gregarious and involved in everything possible within the school community. I attended school for the learning rather than the friendships. Though I did have many who I would call a mate or friend, and personally knew every one of the three hundred plus students in the local school, there were no real connections. I was in a unique situation though (aren't we all?!) and didn't ever truly seek out anything deeper. I enjoyed my own company and circumstances often prevented me from changing my 'lone wolf' status anyway!

Anyway, after six years of high school, graduation came and we each went our seperate ways. It's amazing how fast people can drop out of your life: with three of the aforementioned friends, all contact ceased after a year......I then realised that, although the other youths were very nice people, I didn't really have all that much in common with them.

Yes, it is amazing that those you share so many seemingly important moments with throughout your teenage years very quickly disperse...! Still, in the case of growing up near a small country town, I stayed in touch with many people (and still do) to varying degrees. The whole town knew/knows me, so it's not just a case of my peers from school being my only connection! I now live about six hours away but I still have family back there, still visit now and then and still consider it 'home' in a lot of ways. I only have to head down to the local supermarket, stand there for a while and the people come and say g'day, we catch up and then we part.

I tend to prefer this being able to connect and reconnect when I feel like it, rather than having to maintain constant, full-blown friendships (sounds rather selfish of me, doesn't it?!).

So that's how life goes. People weave in and out of your life, and I sure treasure the memories of all the good times we've had.

Why am I thinking of Fool and Fitz ?! This is one of those 'true-to-life' things that I love about the RotE books. It precisely decribes the majority of my friendships, and it's not something I'm unhappy about.

Thing is, I haven't really been able to build something new.....But I have made no new friends. I never meet up with my fellow students outside of lectures or the club. There is no one that I feel very close to. Nobody that I would really call a friend.

I makes 'friends' quite easily in a variety of different situations, but just don't persue that next step even for relationships I have had over a period of years. While I am definitely the sort of person who will chat to whoever is sitting next to me, offer to take a photo of tourists so they can all get in the picture together, recommend RH books to complete strangers standing in the fantasy/sci-fi section of the bookstore etc, I'm not one to organise a barbeque and invite my friends (or people I just like or have worked with) over or socialise with them more than I have to, to get the job at hand done.

I am assuming, AR, that you live off-campus and go home after lectures etc? What happens during lunch breaks etc? Do you mix with others during break times eg lunch? Have you ever invited someone over with the view to further solidify a relationship?

No new friends? You sure have, and they're right here !!!

At first I thought I was alone in this, but I visted one of the churchfriends yesterday and he recognised much of what I said. And the friend who goes to the same university as I do also recognizes it.

I would think it is more common than most believe. As a society we lean ever closer to solitary lifestyles. Once we would have lived as a member of a hugely extended family, often in the same building, and would have continued to do so even after reaching adulthood. Now we leave as soon as we can and get a place of our own. Once it's filled, it's usually only enlarged by the presence of a spouse and our own offspring. I wonder how different our lives would be if the majority of us, rather than the minority, had maintained an extended family/social structure? How nice to be able to have a steady source of varied wisdom, support, knowledge, comfort, love and friendship etc during every stage of your life!

How did you cope with changes in your life?

Any way I could and however I needed to at the time. I wish I had something better to offer but I don't! Some times I shattered and never thought I'd mend; other times I just accepted and even eventually looked forward to them...most times I hovered around the middle or fluctuated between the two extremes! I certainly learned resilience as a consequence!

As much as life changes, it's also quite incredible how things DON'T change in the long run BUT that's another post!

I don't miss school, but I sure miss the easy friendships I had there.

That is only natural, I'd think, especially now that you have reached a point of conclusion in your life with having finished your degree, and are in a 'looking forward, looking back' moment.

My friendships are pretty much the same now as then...mostly superficial but I'm not after anything else. If I had to compare the two, it is now far less important than it was even back then. I'm not sure if that's a reflection of my rural and remote lifestyle or something more intrinsic!