Taking stock of my life

[Farseer]

I was not meant to further contribute to this thread, I think! I have just spent about an hour responding and just lost it all AGAIN !

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Here we go again...

I think this transition from school relationships simply reflects most others to follow, particularly when bonds are formed from a common interest (as most seem to be). School is the glue that keeps you together in those schooling years, just like a line of work bonds certain working relationships, sporting interest keeps together sport-based relationships, and so on. Even here on thePlenty, we have a common interest in RH/ML's works first and foremost but, since chatting online, no doubt realise that we share other bonds that could (or already have) help us develop firm on-line friendships. Mervi's Tolkein board friends (as a fantastic example!) seem to have developed an amazing friendship over the years, starting on-line and then progressing to regularish face-to-face contact.

Once you move home, take on a different job/career, change interests, develop an injury that prevents sport participation etc, the basic bond is no longer there and, so, to continue in the relationship, an extra effort is needed. It's only having that basic bond in place that allows us the luxury of not really needing to work for a friendship (to a certain extent at least). Take away the bond and there's suddenly work required. This is also true of developing new friendships where firm common bonds don't first exist or aren't immediately apparent.

It sounds totally obvious, I know , but I look back over the groups I have been involved with over the years and see a clear pattern to support the truth of it, and I look at the many changes in store for our family in the next couple of years and see the trend continuing, for both myself and my kids (who are rapidly now approaching the end of their own school lives).

Interestingly, my eldest, who has about six weeks of school left, has suddenly decided that he will head to university to study aerospace avionics etc next year rather than persue a career as a helicopter pilot in the Army (though he has spent the last twelve months passing all of the entry requirements to do just that!)...and I think it has much to do with his wanting to extend that connection-to-home and school feeling, though he wouldn't readily admit it. Still, with things like email, MSN and Facebook etc, keeping in touch throughout each life phase sure seems easier now than ever before (though I happily admit that I am still a fan of sending or receiving a letter in the mail!).

For me, the most amazing of friendships are those that are rooted in nothingness...sounds shallow with not a lot to keep them grounded (!!) but a person in your life who can just accept you, and have no more expectation than simple friendship, is a rare treasure indeed. Sometimes I feel that my marriage is very much like that at times, and is why it has so far stood the test of time *cross fingers!*...a marriage, after all, is really just an extension of friendship, at least in my experience (friends, like spouses, can threaten to kill each other at times, can't they ?!). Like any other relationship, a marriage is able to quickly disappear once bonds no longer exist, like when children grow up and leave the nest, and requires work when said bonds fail (if it's these bonds that keep your marriage or friendship together of course).

I suppose if relationships are important to you, you either have to work hard at maintaining old ones or constantly keep finding new groups to join and interests to persue (or a combination of both!).

Same wheat, different bushel.