Tattoos, piercings and body modifications: why?

[Farseer]

I thought of this thread when I met one of my nieces for the first time last week. She is eight months old and has her ears pierced with quite large, diamond-like earrings. That's not a judgement, just an observation. As per previous discussion, it's not what I would do for my child, but that's not to say that I am right, or that someone who does things differently to me is wrong. My niece's mother has quite a few earrings and piercings so it will interest me to see if my niece grows up to desire these for herself.

Now on to other body modifications...

My daughter chews her fingernails. I bought some horrible tasting stuff (sourced from cacti) and put in on her nails to discourage the nibbling. It is produced for this purpose and I had tried it with her before to no avail, but that was mostly due to my own lack of vigilance in applying it every day (life would get busy and I'd forget!).

As I was applying it this morning, she was complaining VERY loudly as she knows quite well just how disgusting it tastes...it's truly vile stuff! Our conversation followed on from there, something along these lines:

"Why do I need to have this put on?" she asked.
"To help you stop chewing your nails."
"Why do I have to stop? What does it matter?"
"It's unhealthy and it doesn't look very nice either."
"What if I don't care if it doesn't look nice? What if I like chewing my nails?"



It is so easy for us to impose our own views on our children, without even realising that we are doing it! By this I don't mean the things we teach in order for them to function well, or for them to become good people or law-abiding citizens or whatever. We're parents, that's our task. What right do I truly have though to stop her from chewing her nails if it doesn't really matter? She is in no danger. She isn't doing anything 'wrong'. She isn't causing herself or anybody else any harm. It really is more of an aesthetic or 'socially-acceptable' standard that I am enforcing, particularly as my eldest son also chews his nails and I gave up worrying about it many years ago. He's a male...who cares?...he's not expected to have pretty nails.

So shallow of me, trying to box my daughter into a preconceived mould. All is made worse in that I've often worked hard to ensure that I don't fit anyone else's box for me!

Pierced ears and fingernails may seem like small fry in the whole scheme of things but it is difficult to justify my stance on the 'bigger' issues if I can't justify myself on the lesser ones. My daughter gave me much to think about. Children are wonderful for doing that! The question is, now that she has given me cause to pause, will I continue to harp on about her nails, or will I let her go her own way?

@Nuytsia: Yes, my second set of holes are still open and visible despite not having worn earrings pretty much since I pierced them! Mine also didn't get infected at any stage, though my original set are prone to infection as I am allergic to silver.