Taking stock of my life

[Albertosaurus Rex]

From past discussions, I have the impression that I am the youngest member of this forum. As such, I was wondering if you guys have had experiences similar to mine in the past.

I've been thinking about stuff recently. Where I am with my life, where I'm going. For the record: I am 22 years old and I have been attending university for the past four years. I now have a bachelors degree in both philosophy and religious studies. In that, at least, I have been productive. However...

One often hears people say that their college years were the best time of their life. Maybe so, but when I think back, I would have to say that high school was my Golden Age. Make no mistake: I hated school. I hated homework and I couldn't care less about most of the subjects. Thing is, I had some close friends there. I can point to six people who were close friends of mine that I saw every day. I was also a member of the chruch's youth club; two of my schoolfriends also attended the same church and club. (I actually spent more time with them at church than at school, because they were in a different class.) I had a great time there.

Anyway, after six years of high school, graduation came and we each went our seperate ways. It's amazing how fast people can drop out of your life: with three of the aforementioned friends, all contact ceased after a year. The two churchfriends went to university in different towns than I, but they kept coming to the youth club for a while, until they stopped. I then realised that, although the other youths were very nice people, I didn't really have all that much in common with them. Without those two friends, I gradually became tired of the youth club and finally stopped going there. The two churchfriends I now only see very sporadically.

Then there is one friend who attends the same university as I do. We two are still in regular contact.

So that's how life goes. People weave in and out of your life, and I sure treasure the memories of all the good times we've had. Thing is, I haven't really been able to build something new. I am a member of a student club (Am I using the right word here? I think not, but I hope you get my meaning.) and I've even had a leadership position for a while. I have certainly had good times there. Likewise, there are some fellow students that I often meet at lectures and get along well with.

But I have made no new friends. I never meet up with my fellow students outside of lectures or the club. There is no one that I feel very close to. Nobody that I would really call a friend.

At first I thought I was alone in this, but I visted one of the churchfriends yesterday and he recognised much of what I said. And the friend who goes to the same university as I do also recognizes it.

So why am I putting this up on an internet forum? Because I want to know, to hear from other people. Is this something that happens to everyone? How did you cope with changes in your life?

I don't miss school, but I sure miss the easy friendships I had there.

[Farseer]

From past discussions, I have the impression that I am the youngest member of this forum.

And I the oldest !

I've been thinking about stuff recently. Where I am with my life, where I'm going.

Nothing wrong with a little reflective thinking or forward planning!

For the record: I am 22 years old and I have been attending university for the past four years. I now have a bachelors degree in both philosophy and religious studies. In that, at least, I have been productive.

I think you're amazing and have been more than a little productive, I'd say! What a HUGE commitment to not only throw yourself into study but to also finish something you started four years ago - BRAVO!

One often hears people say that their college years were the best time of their life. Maybe so, but when I think back, I would have to say that high school was my Golden Age.

I can relate to that somewhat, and I graduated twenty years ago . Still, I am happy with my lot. There have been lots of highlights and I wouldn't want to go back. I'm not sure about anyone else but there's a lot of satisfaction to be derived from making it through, especially with the basics still intact eg honour, integrity,empathy etc.

Make no mistake: I hated school.

I was the opposite. While there were things that I didn't enjoy at times, I loved school because it took me away from certain things I hated more and needed to leave at home.

I hated homework and I couldn't care less about most of the subjects. Thing is, I had some close friends there. I can point to six people who were close friends of mine that I saw every day. I was also a member of the chruch's youth club; two of my schoolfriends also attended the same church and club. (I actually spent more time with them at church than at school, because they were in a different class.) I had a great time there.

I was the opposite here, too. Living out on a property, I rarely had opportunity to socialise outside of school in my pre-teen to later years, despite being outwardly gregarious and involved in everything possible within the school community. I attended school for the learning rather than the friendships. Though I did have many who I would call a mate or friend, and personally knew every one of the three hundred plus students in the local school, there were no real connections. I was in a unique situation though (aren't we all?!) and didn't ever truly seek out anything deeper. I enjoyed my own company and circumstances often prevented me from changing my 'lone wolf' status anyway!

Anyway, after six years of high school, graduation came and we each went our seperate ways. It's amazing how fast people can drop out of your life: with three of the aforementioned friends, all contact ceased after a year......I then realised that, although the other youths were very nice people, I didn't really have all that much in common with them.

Yes, it is amazing that those you share so many seemingly important moments with throughout your teenage years very quickly disperse...! Still, in the case of growing up near a small country town, I stayed in touch with many people (and still do) to varying degrees. The whole town knew/knows me, so it's not just a case of my peers from school being my only connection! I now live about six hours away but I still have family back there, still visit now and then and still consider it 'home' in a lot of ways. I only have to head down to the local supermarket, stand there for a while and the people come and say g'day, we catch up and then we part.

I tend to prefer this being able to connect and reconnect when I feel like it, rather than having to maintain constant, full-blown friendships (sounds rather selfish of me, doesn't it?!).

So that's how life goes. People weave in and out of your life, and I sure treasure the memories of all the good times we've had.

Why am I thinking of Fool and Fitz ?! This is one of those 'true-to-life' things that I love about the RotE books. It precisely decribes the majority of my friendships, and it's not something I'm unhappy about.

Thing is, I haven't really been able to build something new.....But I have made no new friends. I never meet up with my fellow students outside of lectures or the club. There is no one that I feel very close to. Nobody that I would really call a friend.

I makes 'friends' quite easily in a variety of different situations, but just don't persue that next step even for relationships I have had over a period of years. While I am definitely the sort of person who will chat to whoever is sitting next to me, offer to take a photo of tourists so they can all get in the picture together, recommend RH books to complete strangers standing in the fantasy/sci-fi section of the bookstore etc, I'm not one to organise a barbeque and invite my friends (or people I just like or have worked with) over or socialise with them more than I have to, to get the job at hand done.

I am assuming, AR, that you live off-campus and go home after lectures etc? What happens during lunch breaks etc? Do you mix with others during break times eg lunch? Have you ever invited someone over with the view to further solidify a relationship?

No new friends? You sure have, and they're right here !!!

At first I thought I was alone in this, but I visted one of the churchfriends yesterday and he recognised much of what I said. And the friend who goes to the same university as I do also recognizes it.

I would think it is more common than most believe. As a society we lean ever closer to solitary lifestyles. Once we would have lived as a member of a hugely extended family, often in the same building, and would have continued to do so even after reaching adulthood. Now we leave as soon as we can and get a place of our own. Once it's filled, it's usually only enlarged by the presence of a spouse and our own offspring. I wonder how different our lives would be if the majority of us, rather than the minority, had maintained an extended family/social structure? How nice to be able to have a steady source of varied wisdom, support, knowledge, comfort, love and friendship etc during every stage of your life!

How did you cope with changes in your life?

Any way I could and however I needed to at the time. I wish I had something better to offer but I don't! Some times I shattered and never thought I'd mend; other times I just accepted and even eventually looked forward to them...most times I hovered around the middle or fluctuated between the two extremes! I certainly learned resilience as a consequence!

As much as life changes, it's also quite incredible how things DON'T change in the long run BUT that's another post!

I don't miss school, but I sure miss the easy friendships I had there.

That is only natural, I'd think, especially now that you have reached a point of conclusion in your life with having finished your degree, and are in a 'looking forward, looking back' moment.

My friendships are pretty much the same now as then...mostly superficial but I'm not after anything else. If I had to compare the two, it is now far less important than it was even back then. I'm not sure if that's a reflection of my rural and remote lifestyle or something more intrinsic!

['thul]

From past discussions, I have the impression that I am the youngest member of this forum.

And I the oldest !

You sure about that?

[joost]

From past discussions, I have the impression that I am the youngest member of this forum. [...]For the record: I am 22 years old

Foolmoon is younger, IIRC.

Anyway, too long story to read properly at this hour (tired eyes....), I will react in more depth later. Perhaps.

[Farseer]

From past discussions, I have the impression that I am the youngest member of this forum.

And I the oldest !

You sure about that?

Sounds promising !!!

[Liquid Ice]

Yes your not the youngest here :p
I'm only 20

But being 20 I do know what your talking about. I finished school when I was 17, from there I have been through a Job and a have earned a diploma in Graphic Design.

But really it just happens. People you weren't that close to or even the ones you were close just drift apart. I'd say you were never that close as friends in the first place but in reality theres multiple reasons for why it happens.

All in all I've kept most of my close friends in contact. Though that's really only... 4 people And even then there are times I don't see any of them for months. But everyone else that I was kinda close to have vanished or I don't see. It just seems to be the way it all works.

What always annoys me is when a bunch of people meet up and some can just make friends just like that. Mean while I'm like... "wait? How did that... Where'd everyone go?"

From what I have gathered large groups of friends don't happen unless you there is a reason for everyone to meet up again. As soon as what ever motive is lost people will go there own ways.

But for the part in not building something new, I'm exactly the same. I'm nice to people, but I don't really pursue the friendship. Mostly because I'm lazy and some what of a loner. And the friendships I do have are currently on a string. One friend has moved 5 hours away, one already lives an hour and a half away and wants to move to England, the other is facing possible jail time. The only person I can count on atm is my girlfriend, who is also my best friend.

Only advice I can tell you is, never be shy, if there's a little voice in your head saying "talk to him/her" do it, hold onto what you have and what you gain (but don't choke it) and don't get depressed and stop.

['thul]

Those were wise words, liquid ice.

[Albertosaurus Rex]

Thank you all for your words.

I am assuming, AR, that you live off-campus and go home after lectures etc? What happens during lunch breaks etc? Do you mix with others during break times eg lunch? Have you ever invited someone over with the view to further solidify a relationship?

Due to the structure of university courses, I often find myself with no familiar people during lectures, leaving me often alone at lunch breaks. I'm a very introvert person, and I find it very difficult to just strike up a conversation. That's why school worked for me: spending hours on end in the company of largely the same people every day was bound to get me into conversation with people. At university, things are much looser. This is why I make it a point to frequently visit the student club.

I am reminded of what the church friend I recently visted said to me: things work differently than in high school, you're not surrounded by your friends every day.

What always annoys me is when a bunch of people meet up and some can just make friends just like that. Mean while I'm like... "wait? How did that... Where'd everyone go?"

I totally recognize that. Some people have that gift to socialize with everybody.

And the friendships I do have are currently on a string. One friend has moved 5 hours away, one already lives an hour and a half away and wants to move to England, the other is facing possible jail time.

My goodness, that must be hard to live with.

[joost]

I just realised .... 22 year, 'taking stock of your life' .... You do know 'Testament' by Boudewijn de Groot, I assume?

[Albertosaurus Rex]

As a matter of fact, no. I must admit that I am not very fond of Dutch literature in general. (Although, having read fairly little of it, I might be falling into the same trap as my uncle, just towards other types of literature.) I assume it's a book, right...?