Feb-12-2019, 01:36 PM (UTC)
I'm deep near the end of Dragon Keepers and I have to say . . . it has been the most difficult book for me in all of the books I've read so far.
Alise . . what she's going through with Hest. It is nearly exactly if not exactly what I went through with my ex-husband. I reached chapter 15 "Curents" . . and I feel as though I'm reading about my own life. It wasn't the same reading about Fitz. I could sympathise with a lot of what he was going through, and Beloved, and Bee, and all the characters, but it wasn't quite the same chord it's struck . . I know it'll end well for Alise, I've read Fitz and the Fool trilogy and I know how things end up for her . . but still. When a person is treated like a possession and extorted as such, you never really get over it. It's worse than physical torture. It's like having your personality taken from you, distorted, submerged . . you become like a prisoner within your own self. Society becomes that which keeps you bound. Because you're expected to bow to it and accept that this is just how life is.
It's been the hardest for me to read yet. There's so much of my former life I have kept suppressed and I wish so much I could put it in a stone dragon, like Fitz did with GOAD, but I know that's not the answer.
I remember always feeling terrified that if I spoke out of turn, cooked a meal incorrectly or didn't do something quite up to his standards, he would be furious with me, and often he was. I couldn't have any friends. I couldn't even go online . . he had deleted both my email account and my facebook account because he couldn't bear the thought of me having any friends. I had to account for every expense. I couldn't have a job. I wasn't allowed to seek a job. Not with two university degrees to my name, I couldn't seek a job for myself. I had to be witty and charming at parties, on his arm. There were other things more disagreeable that I'd rather not talk about. It all seems like fiction, doesn't it? And yet that was my life! I was so miserable. In 2012, near the end of that year, I tried to end my life because I didn't have the courage to face him and tell him he was killing me slowly, as a person.
Yes I got away, eventually. I'm fine, I guess. I found my "Captain Leftrin" you could say, and left Texas for England. Can you imagine that? Most people gasp when I tell them that because they can't imagine leaving behind your country, your family and friends for a totally different life. I left and I NEVER looked back. Never. I'm lucky that I was strong enough to leave him and that life, but it cost me a great deal, and not in money. I lost my father in death to cancer last year and where was I? Across the ocean, a world away. I know it was for the best, but it still eats away at me. You know all the torture that Beloved and Fitz went through doesn't come close to this sort of psychological torture. Not that it is less, just that it is different and the latter seeks to destroy your very soul.
Anyway, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to share that much about me. This is about 'the Realm of the Elderlings' not me. I just didn't expect Hobb to write about something like this in RWC . . it was uncanny. How does she know such things? I wonder if she knew someone who went through this sort of thing.
Alise . . what she's going through with Hest. It is nearly exactly if not exactly what I went through with my ex-husband. I reached chapter 15 "Curents" . . and I feel as though I'm reading about my own life. It wasn't the same reading about Fitz. I could sympathise with a lot of what he was going through, and Beloved, and Bee, and all the characters, but it wasn't quite the same chord it's struck . . I know it'll end well for Alise, I've read Fitz and the Fool trilogy and I know how things end up for her . . but still. When a person is treated like a possession and extorted as such, you never really get over it. It's worse than physical torture. It's like having your personality taken from you, distorted, submerged . . you become like a prisoner within your own self. Society becomes that which keeps you bound. Because you're expected to bow to it and accept that this is just how life is.
It's been the hardest for me to read yet. There's so much of my former life I have kept suppressed and I wish so much I could put it in a stone dragon, like Fitz did with GOAD, but I know that's not the answer.
I remember always feeling terrified that if I spoke out of turn, cooked a meal incorrectly or didn't do something quite up to his standards, he would be furious with me, and often he was. I couldn't have any friends. I couldn't even go online . . he had deleted both my email account and my facebook account because he couldn't bear the thought of me having any friends. I had to account for every expense. I couldn't have a job. I wasn't allowed to seek a job. Not with two university degrees to my name, I couldn't seek a job for myself. I had to be witty and charming at parties, on his arm. There were other things more disagreeable that I'd rather not talk about. It all seems like fiction, doesn't it? And yet that was my life! I was so miserable. In 2012, near the end of that year, I tried to end my life because I didn't have the courage to face him and tell him he was killing me slowly, as a person.
Yes I got away, eventually. I'm fine, I guess. I found my "Captain Leftrin" you could say, and left Texas for England. Can you imagine that? Most people gasp when I tell them that because they can't imagine leaving behind your country, your family and friends for a totally different life. I left and I NEVER looked back. Never. I'm lucky that I was strong enough to leave him and that life, but it cost me a great deal, and not in money. I lost my father in death to cancer last year and where was I? Across the ocean, a world away. I know it was for the best, but it still eats away at me. You know all the torture that Beloved and Fitz went through doesn't come close to this sort of psychological torture. Not that it is less, just that it is different and the latter seeks to destroy your very soul.
Anyway, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to share that much about me. This is about 'the Realm of the Elderlings' not me. I just didn't expect Hobb to write about something like this in RWC . . it was uncanny. How does she know such things? I wonder if she knew someone who went through this sort of thing.
Discover where you are now, and go on from there, making the best of things. Accept your life, and you might survive it. If you hold back from it, insisting this is not your life, not where you are meant to be, life will pass you by. You may not die from such foolishness, but you might as well be dead for all the good your life will do you or anyone else. - Vivacia to Wintrow, The Mad Ship
Facebook
Google
Reddit
Twitter
Blogger
Tumblr
Pinterest