Taking stock of my life

[joost]

No, it's a song. It starts with

Na tweeëntwintig jaren in dit leven
maak ik het testament op van mijn jeugd.

For the non-Dutch people:

After 22 years in this life,
I'm writing the testament of my youth

(Full lyrics: http://www.boudewijndegroot.nl/bdgvdo.htm#testament Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdhQ3oZ2-YQ)

[redchild]

You're much more productive than me. I'm 21 and I don't foresee my earning my degree for at least another 3 years (let alone getting hired after I earn it.) And I HATED high school. Never like thinking about it, nope.

And yes I know how that goes. In childhood/adolescence, you're around the same people everyday, year after year. Then when you leave and go to university or out in the real world everything is so much harder and so much more remote than it was when you were a kid. It's a lot harder to make many lasting friendships since everyone has their own problems or pursuits to deal with, and most fellow classmates only show up in your life intermittently, if at all anymore after a class is over.

The whole deal about the extroverts who somehow make dozens of friends so easily...well there's a difference between close friends and friends to go party with. Just because someone has a lot of friends does not mean he or she is necessarily very close to all of them. They may even feel lonely even though they are gregarious and seem to know everyone because they may not have a closer relationship with someone.

So it's not really an isolated phenomenon-- most people know what you're feeling about this.

You're also making a much better effort than I am at trying to make new friends by joining clubs and mingling around. I make little to no effort to strike conversations, unless the conversation around me interests me and I feel I have something to add. Pretty much most of the new friends I made are really people one of my best friends introduced me to. So maybe that could be a way for you to make new friends, by hanging out as a group with people you know and people you don't know.

[Albertosaurus Rex]

Well, I do go places, but it can be a pretty sad sight at times. I was at a barbecue of the student club last week and there were sometimes stretches of time that I was sitting beside fellow students but didn't really say anything. It wasn't all bad, though; I did have fun moments. There's also one other thing I'd like to share: there's this girl at the club who's 21 and told us she has a new boyfriend... who is 42. I responded very carefully, but inside I was like...

spoilered out due to language:

WHAT THE FUCK

Really, 42? Twice her own age? Now what's that about?

[Liquid Ice]

Well, I do go places, but it can be a pretty sad sight at times. I was at a barbecue of the student club last week and there were sometimes stretches of time that I was sitting beside fellow students but didn't really say anything. It wasn't all bad, though; I did have fun moments. There's also one other thing I'd like to share: there's this girl at the club who's 21 and told us she has a new boyfriend... who is 42. I responded very carefully, but inside I was like...

spoilered out due to language:

WHAT THE FUCK

Really, 42? Twice her own age? Now what's that about?

lol at the spoiler, so wasn't expecting it
At least she's 21 dude. I've seen 16 year olds going out with 25-30 year olds. Those guys should be in jail. =/
And I'd say they do that because they want the security and maturity of an older male.... but ah, I'm making stuff up here...

[Farseer]

*sigh* ...I HATE laptops! I have just spent AGES writing a post only to have it disappear. No time to rewrite just now but will be back when time allows.

[NeverBeenWise]

Hello there! Wow, this thread sure popped up quickly....

I am 18 years old, turning 19 in just under two months (guessing I'm the youngest here?), and I just started college. I'm not in a "looking forward, looking back" moment - I think that I'm more in a "yay for the future!" mindset right now. College, for me, feels like I'm more connected to the world, not less like redchild seems to have experienced (maybe because I have overprotective parents?), but I can't really say too much about it because I just began two weeks ago.

I did enjoy high school quite a bit, again because of my friends. I am fortunate that one of my best friends is one of the "organizing group activities" type of people, so when we're all at home we do get together and talk intelligently and reconnect and all the things groups of friends are supposed to do. On the other hand, when I'm away from people, I don't really miss them, with a couple of random exceptions. And I definitely agree with the comparison to Fitz and the Fool and the weaving in and out of people's lives! I make a lot of "casual friends" but not too many close friends, and I don't seem to get lonely. Except that I miss my cats, but that's besides the point.

I think it's kind of funny that I feel more emotion for the Fool than I do when thinking about my friends. It's probably a little pathetic - or merely a testament to Robin Hobb's amazing writing talent.

Hmm, can't think of too much more to add....

[Albertosaurus Rex]

I think it's kind of funny that I feel more emotion for the Fool than I do when thinking about my friends. It's probably a little pathetic - or merely a testament to Robin Hobb's amazing writing talent.

Believe it or not, but I recognize that feeling. Sometimes fiction feels more important, or even more real, than real life to me. When I finish a freally great book, I always have to sort of make a transistion back to my own life.

Oh, and I know it doesn't really belong in this discussion, but about the girl with the older boyfriend? What really pushed it over the edge was a comment by one of the others present: "Well, your previous boyfriend was pretty young..." Having never met the guy and not knowing how old he actually is, I'm not sure what to think of that...

[redchild]

Ok that does seem strange. Having someone old enough to be your father to be your lover? I don't know this girl but I really hope their relationship isn't one of exploitation (by both parties)

When I finish a freally great book, I always have to sort of make a transistion back to my own life.

Same here.

[Albertosaurus Rex]

And yes I know how that goes. In childhood/adolescence, you're around the same people everyday, year after year. Then when you leave and go to university or out in the real world everything is so much harder and so much more remote than it was when you were a kid. It's a lot harder to make many lasting friendships since everyone has their own problems or pursuits to deal with, and most fellow classmates only show up in your life intermittently, if at all anymore after a class is over.

You hit the nail right on the head there. If you're around the same people day after day for hours on end, you're almost bound to become friends with some of them. My younger brother and sister have started their first year of high school a few weeks ago, and already they're making new friends.

I went to visit a high school friend who goes to college in another town some weeks ago, and he said it too: life isn't like in high school anymore. You're not around you're friends every day.

I recently went out for a drink with another of my high school friends. He's the only one I'm really in regular contact with these days, and we reflected on the fact that we have known as each other - and have been friends - for ten years. It's a heady thing to have been close friends for so long.

I guess that my transition to the real world is still ongoing. Inch by inch...

[Nuytsia]

Yep welcome to the world of having to make effort to maintain friendships!
Heheh I reckon it sucks! Good old school just show up every day and there's ya friends.
Although on the whole I certainly wouldn't say I liked school, often I hated it.......at least it's a known quantity I guess. Maybe that's why some people say 'oh school days are the best days of your life' - although I personally wanted to strangle people who said that. Now that I'm older I think geees those people must have had seriously sad lives if that was true for them!!

Anyway hang in there! Change is uncomfortable I guess....